Discouraged

I wrote a book.

I edited and redrafted and had other people beta read the book I wrote. And did another rewrite.

I went to conferences, and did Pitch Wars, and sent chapters to two critique partners (CPs) and a handful of agents.

I thought of a way to redraft my book, again, which includes a rewrite to get to the action sooner, and relocating the setting, and I haven’t touched my book in, like, eight months.

Writing a book, while it does take a lot of time, is a process I can understand. You put aside the time, and you write (and rewrite and edit and rewrite a couple more times).

But publishing? Publishing is a different beast. And, frankly, not one I feel qualified to undertake.

Query letters, shopping agents, conferences, more queries.

Publishing, it feels like to me, is another full-time job. And I don’t have it in me to undertake another full-time job.

I love my book (and I want to write more). But I cannot get my brain around how to publish – or even how to participate in writing groups / be a CP. I open a website of agents, and my brain bails. Like, “Nope, I don’t have time for this today.”

One woman (now a successful author) talked about writing for 10 years before she found an agent.

Ten years. She didn’t work outside the home during that time. Her husband worked, and presumably supported her/them. (I don’t recall if she had children or not.)

Maybe there is a layer of privilege or luck to becoming a published writer. Being able to take the time somewhere in the schedule.

Maybe that’s just envy talking, I don’t know.

I joined two groups of writers on Facebook. I follow people and hashtags on Twitter. It looks to me like everyone is writing MUCH more than I am currently. I dither about doing another month of writing (there is NaNoWriMo as well as month-long NaNo Camps).

Am I wrong to think I don’t have time to get a book published? If I am wrong, I am willing to listen to ideas to pursue that dream. Because I don’t see how to do it at this time.

In the meantime, I do need to reopen and rewrite my manuscript (again). And then write the next one.

I don’t have writer’s block, I have publishing block.

Words of encouragement welcome. A push from a writer or writers who work full-time AND have still gotten an agent and gotten published also welcome.

I like my job, a lot. I love my family. Taking on the task to land an agent to get published feels like a luxury I cannot indulge.

Correct me if I’m wrong.

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