It eludes me.
This isn’t the insomnia of the past. It seems that some mix of nutritional supplements, exercise, and deep breathing are working to keep true wakeful insomnia at bay.
If anxiety brain tries to turn on at 1 a.m. or 3:30 a.m., some deep breaths and counting backwards from 100 usually get me back to slumberland.
But I sleep and wake and sleep and wake.
Falling asleep: Not a problem (usually).
Staying asleep: BIG problem.
I am a light sleeper. I wake up when Dan comes to bed. I wake up to go to the bathroom. I wake up if Dan snores too loudly or moves too much.
Sometimes I abscond from our bed and go sleep with Michael. He sleeps in a double bed; I just push him over to make room. I bring my leg pillow — I have a leg pillow. Michael is quiet.
I wake up sweating. I wake up with my right hip feeling like it’s on fire.
I wake up.
I wake up at 4:15 a.m., and doze and wake and doze and wake.
Even with earplugs I hear: Someone’s alarm goes off at 5 a.m. The girls’ radio plays. Dan snores. Birds chirp. I doze and wake.
My alarm goes off, and I snooze, but I am awake. I am groggy. I do not want to get up.
Sleep. It eludes me.