Marvel

This post contains some profanity, as well as SPOILERS for Marvel’s Avengers: Infinity War, so read at your own risk.

That said:

What the ever-loving fuck, Marvel??

I am not a movie buff, by any stretch of the imagination. I’m not even a frequent movie-goer. I don’t watch Oscar-nominated films on purpose. And I’m not much of a critic. I just want to be entertained.

To that end, I do like a big-budget blockbuster. Many of the movies I have made an effort to see in theaters (not counting animated movies; see: children) are movie franchises with million-dollar budgets and special effects galore: Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Star Wars films. I went to go see Jumanji on the big screen because it looked hella entertaining (it was).

When it comes to superhero movies, I am a Marvel girl (as opposed to DC). The only DC film I’ve watched is Wonder Woman. And, I will add here: I am not a comic book reader. I have no idea how true to any of the comics these movies are. It doesn’t overly concern me.

It’s shorter to list the superhero Marvel films (since the first Iron Man) that I haven’t seen. My favorite so far has been Black Panther; second on my list is Guardians of the Galaxy. Still, I wouldn’t have said that I was invested in the Marvel movies (and not a few of the television shows as well), but then we went to see Avengers Infinity War, and I’m still upset.

I started getting nervous about the outcome of the film when Vision and The Scarlet Witch/Wanda were attacked in Scotland. Thantos and his alien band of terrorists seemed quite unstoppable. And the Hulk wasn’t appearing to wreak his usual, unbeatable brand of whoop-ass.

But: It’s a superHERO film! No one dies in superhero films (except for Phil Coulson, and he gets resurrected for Agents of Shield)! No matter what types of marauding hordes are attacking Earth, or Asgard, or the galaxy, our heroes were there to save the day.

That proves very much to not be the case in Infinity War. Loki and Heimdall get offed in the first scene (so mean, killing Idris Elba); Thor certainly appears to perish in the cold reaches of space.

But I should have sensed we were in big trouble when Thantos tossed Gamora to her death. Aside: GURL, HOW DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S COMING? RUN!

Infinity War is an entertaining and fun film for the most part (except for that Gamora thing). It’s so great seeing each of the heroes get their moment; the appearance of Peter Dinklage is inspired; and it’s FUNNY. General Okoye to T’challa right before the final battle scene, “When you said we were going to open up Wakanda, this is not what I imagined.” T’challa, “What did you imagine?” Okoye: “I don’t know, the Olympics? Maybe a Starbucks?”

And then the final two minutes of the movie happen, and I am still not over it. I was too stunned to even fucking cry. I hardly believed it when Black Panther — what, disintegrated? Like: No fucking way that just happened.

And it kept happening: Scarlet Witch, Bucky, Spiderman, Dr. Strange, all the Guardians except Rocket — apparently Groot’s last word, directed toward Rocket, was “Dad.”

via GIPHY

Of course, we sat through the credits — we’re very familiar with the Marvel easter eggs, after all. And I still don’t know what’s going to happen next (because I didn’t recognize that icon on Nick Fury’s special decoder signal call thingie — which, who even knows if that call went through before Fury, too, disintegrates).

We know there’s a Guardians of the Galaxy 3; we know there’s an fourth Avengers movie. DO THEY ALL COME BACK? DO THEY FIND THANTOS AND USE THE TIME STONE TO FIX WHAT’S WRONG? I NEED TO KNOW!

Okay, I don’t really need to know, but man. You can’t just *poof* Black Panther like that. Even Flora, who is less of a movie buff than I, was quite upset.

Walking out of that theater was like walking out of a funeral (h/t Dan). It was so quiet. I can’t decide if I’m too mad to ever go see another Marvel movie again — I know, it’s fiction, but you just don’t expect evil and madness to WIN like that — or if the suspense is going to be too brutal to think about.

I guess in the meantime, I’ll go watch season 2 of Jessica Jones. Oh, Jessica, hold me.

Did you see it? Did you hate it? DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S NEXT?

Copyright for featured image: olehsvetiukha / 123RF Stock Photo

5 thoughts on “Marvel

  1. I saw it and considered it to be 2.5 hours of a 5-hour movie. Obviously some of these heroes are coming back in the next one. Since so many of the “old guard” were the ones left standing, maybe there’s going to be some kind of grand switcheroo. (That’s purely my speculation.)

    The insignia in the post-credits scene was that of Captain Marvel, who will start to put the pieces back (along with Ant Man) in the two movies to come before Avengers 4.

    And I only know any of this because I went right to the online reviews and movie sites, after I saw the movie. I’m actually looking forward to seeing it again (probably on DVD) to pick up on all the stuff I’m sure I missed.

  2. In the comics, Capt. Marvel was a kick a@@ heroine who was able to kick both Thors and the Hulks hiney. She was part of both the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy. My guess is she, Ant Man, Iron Man and Hawkeye will get the glove and retcon the dissolved people. Gamora is probably really dead, but no one can get rid of Loki. He’s just too tricky.

  3. I agree with the other comment. This is more the first half of a longer movie. Many of those characters have to come back, so they’ll have a plot device to allow it. I think the soul stone will be involved along with the time stone, and I think “sacrifice” will re-surface as a theme in the second movie. Remember what Dr. Strange said, there’s only one scenario where they can win. http://marvel.com/characters/9/captain_marvel

  4. The fact that Spider-Man 2 and Guardians 3 are both in active development (as is a Black Panter 2 I believe) led me to feel that ending was cheap and everybody will be coming back. Well, not Loki. And I’m actually glad because he was over-used. But my point is I wasn’t as shocked at the ending. I was mad, and not because people “died” but because it feels like a false clifhanger and through the magic of comic book logic they will all return. (Maybe they are all trapped in the Soul Stone – including Gamora).

Leave a Reply